It has been two years!! April 12, 2011 seems like a lifetime ago. I miss her voice, I miss her touch, I miss her face, I miss her smile, and I miss her wisdom. She passed away after a courageous battle with breast cancer and I will always miss my mother. Grief is a very unusual process. Initially it hit me like a ton of bricks, leaving me hopeless and anxious. You see, I always thought everything would be ok because my mother would protect me and take care of me. As long as she were by my side, I could live my life knowing that with her prayers and inspiration i would always be traveling in the right direction. Two years ago on this day, her journey came to an end and so did my innocent, incredibly child-like approach to life. Even in death, she taught me a lesson how to live. While I did not know how to move forward and at first spiraled into the dark night of the soul, with the love and support of others and with determination to learn a new way, I picked myself up and moved forward one step at a time. She has been with me the entire time, I just know it and now i feel her energy with me even more. I channel her spirit as i am inspired to write thoughts of the day. i channel her love for me as i reach out to be supported by and to support others. There is a hallway in my parent’s home lined with many many pictures of family, friends, and moments in time. There is also a small heart that contains the following words “you touched me, I have grown.” I say to my mother today, “you loved me and still continue to love me through your godwinks and synchronicities, I have grown and continue to grow as I move forward without you physically but spiritually standing right by your side. ” I am grateful I still get to share her with those that she loved well, my dad, my sisters, our families and our extended family. It is a journey, no one said it was easy but it is worth it! She left me a message on my voice mail in February of 2011- it is the last recording I have of her voice- she said” Hello my Meggie, I am looking for you wherever you are.” I know she is, I just have to remember to acknowledge that she is there even when I feel alone. No one can ever replace her, nor should they. But, I know that whenever I do something for another person or look for ways to give love and empower others, i know she is smiling down on me. So it is with joy that I remember my mom today and it is in love that I am grateful to her that she still teaches me how to live even in her death!
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