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My Year of Magical Thinking: My Dreams are different now! 

My Year of Magical Thinking: My Dreams are different now! The questions arrive again- why am I here? what has brought me to this place?what has brought me here to this moment? What I know for sure (to coin Oprah’s phrase) is that I’m tired of chasing rainbows just to prove that the storm has passed! I am tired of looking out when what I need is within. I’m tired of my addiction to excitement as a distraction because it continues to repeat my life is not enough where I stand. Evidence exists all around me of a life well lived. I’m not taking up space, I’m here to awaken myself with perhaps the privilege to help others to. In two days, I would have said goodbye to my mother five years ago. There still is not a day that goes by that I don’t miss her dearly. I have felt alone as I have traveled this journey without her physical support by my side. Doing my best to survive, yet wanting to thrive. It’s my focus on what I don’t have, that has me desperate to reclaim it. Knowing it will never be the same again, yet grasping to make it so. I am blessed to create anew, not recreate what was! There is no koolaid to drink that will ever bring me back again. The shift – the aha- the great YES happens. It can never be the same because my dreams are so different now. I am so different now. Undefinable.I am no longer star struck by fame – just looking for what each connection has to offer. I AM light- we all are – a burning light that needs to be expressed or its fire will consume us rather than make us shine. If bliss is to be mine, I need to start claiming it for myself. In the beautiful, tangible, little things life has to offer. My children, my partner, my family, my friends. Gratitude for how far I have come, gratitude for what I have experienced so far and yes gratitude, for the guidance along the way. Gratitude as I still stand. Just because I do not see actual rainbows, doesn’t mean that I’m still stuck in the storm. I capture smiles every day that must mirror my own. Now I get lost in laughter when at one point in time laughter was lost to me. And even though my mom is gone,I get outlets to share my revelations with my words – so I feel alive in the conversation and get to experience what I had with my mom on a greater scale. Thank you! My dreams are different more simple now. I want to live my life doing what I love, supporting myself, while truly embracing who I am as I get to know each person who crosses my path! I am a dreamer who lives to inspire others to dream. But I cannot forget to sit back and enjoy the moments. Because even if my dreams are different now, it is the moments tied together that make a life and this is what our journey is all about! May we all experience that kind of magic!

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