Next week marks the 2nd anniversary of my mother’s passing. I never knew that the whole grieving process would be so difficult (something noone really tells you – nor how could they-it is so individual to the person going through it!) It is Sunday, April 7th. Over 1 year and half ago, I never thought that i would make it through this process. I had an incredible fear of death that was paralyzing. I could not get myself “out of the closet” so to speak. I would function- get up in the morning( that is if I ever went to sleep!) go to work ( that is if you can call it actually working- my mind was certainly elsewhere) and came home to the light that was in my dark closet where i would once again break down in tears. I never really understood how such a good person could suffer so much during her final days. But, i was witness to the suffering only terminal cancer can bring and it was horrible. I was left with the feeling that this disease doesn’t care about how good you are during your lifetime- it hits and that is it! The idea that I was in the dark with only a small light to comfort me is analogous to the journey many take through the dark night of the soul. I was lucky that I had a small light to guide me and remind me that there is still light and if I seek, it will get brighter and brighter. I searched for anything that resounded well with me to help me on the healing process and find away back to living life itself to the fullest. it was hard to find as many people are not willing to be vulnerable to share the process of grief as it is so personal. I respect this and at the same time, want to share my own process because I want to make sure that the pain I felt and the tools i gained have purpose and meaning. This week I will blog about the tools that i used to get me through. I am proud to say that I am back to the world of the living again. It has been a hard journey, never easy, but then again who ever said that a worthwhile life would be easy???? i will be publishing my book The Sunrise of My Soul’s Bliss as it is a memoir of gratitude for all that helped me through and if I can offer anything to make a difference in the life of someone who is newly going through the process, that will make it all worth. I certainly am a better person today, I do still miss my mother and i know that I always will. Now, I know she is by me ever step of the way and I get to shine brighter and brighter! God bless everyone!
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