I gave birth to a little boy on December 18, 2002 and it seems like my world would never be the same again. I wanted to be a mother. I wanted that experience. I wanted to look into the eyes of my child and promise to keep him safe and secure. I wanted him to be confident and feel loved. I wanted the world for him and at the same time I remember looking into those eyes for the first time overwhelmed at how I was going to do that. It has been 12 years since that glorious and very frightening day. There are times when I have kept my promise and times when I have fallen seriously short of the goal. I may not be the mother that I set out to be, keeping it together, never losing my cool and providing a perfect environment for a little boy to thrive, but I have been open to the process and done my best.
Yesterday, my son sat on my lap and cried because he felt so much stress to achieve. All he wanted was for me to hold him. All I kept thinking was there are moments in life that make a difference. I write about these moments in the abstract all the time. Here he is, the moment is now. Put down what you are doing and speak light into his life. So I held him and I told him how much he is loved. How much he means to me. How special he is. And what a gift his light is to the world. All he did was crawl into my lap and cried. I gave birth to this beautiful boy and the wonder of it is that he gives me the chance to be born again as a person all the time as I stop and see what this life is all about. Taking the time to be present to one another. I may not be the perfect mother by the world’s standards. I don’t like to cook. I work outside the house and do not attend all the extracurriculars. I am not completely involved in school activities. And I don’t personally know all his friends. But when it comes down to it, I am the perfect mother for him because when he needed to be heard, I stopped and listened. When he felt down, I held him up. And when he needed to feel loved and special, I had the perfect words followed by action to care for that beautiful budding spirit. Just like my mother did for me! My son is a leader. I see it and everyone who meets him sees it. It is my role to help him see it as I do my best to help him build his self esteem to go out into a world where he is confident that his imagination and gifts will inspire others to wonder beautifully as well! As I do I hear my own mother say to me – Meggie I am so proud of you!