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Nevertheless, She Persisted: The Unfolding of the Journey

“Nevertheless, she persisted.” Sen. Mitch McConnell’s rude retort in an attempt to silence Sen. Elizabeth Warren on the floor of the Senate-instead it has fueled a feminist movement in the U.S.

I wrote a book called The Magical Guide to Bliss and first published it in 2015. And when I birthed it into the world, everything was supposed to fall into place. When I shared it, finally the middle child who was passed over and ignored would be heard. I found my voice, one of optimism and hope. I found my smile, my happy place. I told many I would do this. And in the face of naysayers, I was dedicated and persisted. And jumping out of a place where I had to both ask for permission to speak and gage my words carefully, I finally was free to be me. And showing up as myself,  I could help so many find their way. I could give a service that others would value. It was supposed to give me the courage. It was supposed to be my ticket out of a need for validation from others. It was supposed to be my ticket back to me. I visualized my life as an author, speaker, and inspirational coach while using my exceptional skills honed as an attorney. I experienced what it would be like to actually sit down and connect with others through the beauty of words, wonderful, amazing words. As long as I could share my journey with others, I would never be alone.

That was over two and a half years ago now and a lot of amazing and challenging experiences have happened since then. I still look at that cover everyday of the curvy dark haired beauty in a sexy black dress with flowing locks, proudly wearing a tiara in the updated edition.  I drew that because that is how I see myself, the butterfly soaring high with great purpose holding a key to share with others the wisdom gained from Divine mystery. And with that, I set out to heal my life and help others by discovering what I was meant to do. And the universe is still unfolding along these lines.

However, I thought it would be smooth sailing. That was the dream, that was the vision. My reality was a lot messier than I thought it would be. A lot of unaddressed issues came to light that stirred up feelings of fear and doubt. I did what I could to make small changes, to keep adding fuel to the fire that was sparked.  I was looking for the mentor who I could  trust to help me navigate as I learned the ins and outs of these unchartered waters. I did my best to make solid business decisions that I still await the pay off in the end. Somehow, I kept empowering myself  to keep rolling right along. This in spite of how terrified I was finally stepping out of the shadows, no longer satisfied that others got tapped over and over again instead of me. It was all for this moment in time, leading me here. That was my moment and as I forged my own way, my own path, I planned to take many others who felt invisible along with me. I hoped that it would be effortless and magical all at once as long as I did the hard work. But hard lessons have been learned and I still had to face the gremlins inside me. This is where I learned humility.

I did my best from where I was until the universe made it so uncomfortable that I had to choose a different way, for I am sure I would have fallen into a worse depression if I decided to stay. The environment where I worked was changing rapidly. Our beloved Chief left under mysterious circumstances leaving uncertainty to take hold. New attorneys were hired, bringing new energy where those in charge embraced while putting aside those who had been there holding the place together all along. Good friends and colleagues left as well, taking with them an important support network that I had relied on. The walls were slowly coming in all around me pushing out the air.  One week, I was recognized by a private audience with the Director of my agency and my book was given accolades by one of the greatest playwrights of our time, the next I was passed over for a promotion and unjustly repositioned in my own program that I created.  In addition, the greatest shock to the system, a misogynistic man devoid of character, conscious and integrity would head the executive branch and as a result set a toxic and contentious tone not only for my office but my country.

This step out and in a new direction was not only important and necessary for me as an unearthly force was pushing me there, I had to look in the mirror and take an inventory of who I was, what I stood for and who I was meant to be. And like the weeping of a violin, the somber and beautiful music awakes both pain and yearning for joy that resides in the soul and needs to come up to the surface to be freed. That and a realization that there is still so much to learn and that I would never learn it if I did not welcome change and stayed where I was. And, as synchronicity would have it, a mentor who based his teachings in love came to the fore as well.

So I left. I left what I knew, set out a plan, and hoped for the best. No longer restricting myself to make others comfortable, I had to learn how to balance between screaming and gently making a statement.  I had to learn how to deal with the anger that came from not rising to meet the expectations that I once held for myself, and at the same time embrace all the accomplishments that were realized.  I had to figure out who I was without the title, the badge and the tribe. I had to experience a clearing of sorts where I got an opportunity to address all the co-dependent burdens that weighed me down while doing my best to let go so I could move on.

It was by no means easy at all. It was lonely too. But 2 1/2 years later, I am finally coming into the balance between the why and the who: why I am here, why I do what I do, who I want to align with and who I want to be during the time I walk this Earth. And in the face of my insecurities that forced me to remain in the dark, hidden from my own light, I started to walk my own path.  Even found myself in the North of Spain walking “El Camino”, the same spiritual journey in the footsteps of greats like St. Francis of Assisi and Paulo Coelho. Celebrating new relationships and the joy from welcoming the end of this part of my long and arduous journey, I get to now acknowledge the path it took to get here and receive fully the blessings from the fruits of my labor.

There is always a reason we get inspired by stories of people who take risks in life and succeed. We find hope there because in their sharing there is a story of rebirth and new life. We find that there is meaning in the pain as long as we do not stay in that place for too long. Their story somehow frees us to release own inner struggle and surrender to celebrate with them as well. Like when a baby is born, for those who have had the privilege, it was a long period of morning sickness, feeling helpless to the ever growing child within, and trusting the process that all will be well in the end. And when the miracle of birth happens, we know the path beforehand was excruciating as the new life burst into the world, but well worth it.

I do not mind sharing my pain if someone else is freed from isolation when I do, because sharing frees me. It is one of the important qualities of how I want to show up as a leader that allows for the belief that possibilities exist.  A beautiful woman once pointed out to me that integrity, authenticity, character, and genuine courage are qualities that must be championed if this gateway of wonderful possibilities is to materialize. Walk in this truth, without fear. Perhaps not on the defense, but as an opportunity to teach all generations that a paradigm shift is possible. This is a time for boldness where you stand- this has been pushing me forward from a place of genuine love.

I wrote a book called The Magical Guide to Bliss that was first published in 2015. And when I birthed it into the world, everything was supposed to fall into place. Now, looking back, I suppose it has. My story has unfolded exactly as it was supposed to yet I am not done yet.  There is no happy ending, just a lot of happy moments strung together over time as I still walk my path. Faced with the chance to redefine intentions, learn from my mistakes, use my more finely tuned intuition, I set out now with the desire to ask my own angels and guides to make me a channel of Divine creativity and peace. I have fine tuned my team and opened myself to new beauty in the form of people, places and things that will lend a hand in making me an instrument of a Higher Will.  Aware to coincidence and synchronicity, it is time to hit refresh and address what needs attention so I can tell it like it is, with an earned confidence and resilient spirit that could only be gained by experiencing the before and after. What comes next is a mystery to be lived with a curiosity. Books to be written, stories to be told,  I have become that which I once visualized: author, speaker, inspirational coach and an advocate for justice.  And with that, I am more grounded and I will persist leaving a legacy for my own children and others to get inspired by as they follow their own bliss despite whatever anyone says to the contrary.


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