It has been nearly four years since my mother died at the age of 67. Four long years I might add. As I approach the four year anniversary, I reflect on what has happened since then in my life. It may seem like a long time, to a child four years is an eternity, but for me it is a blip on the screen of my life. While the pain of her loss has diminished, there are times when I long for her physical presence and words of encouragement. While the overwhelming weight of grief has lessened, I am forever changed by its presence in my life. Still getting up each day and getting dressed seeking out my something wonderful. Still managing anxiety and stress that was not there so profoundly before and still navigating my life through the rough and smooth waters looking for my angels to help me steer.
After four years, I don’t recognize myself as the person I was then. I have faced a lot of pain head on, at the same time experienced moments of incredible joy. I never believed I could do it without my mom by my side, praying for me, loving me and taking care of me like only a mother could.
Yet, I’m still standing by the grace of God. And I have fought the hard battle to keep magic and miracles in my life despite fear, despite negativity and despite some pretty big hurdles that would bring some to their knees.
I started out just hoping to survive. As I opened my eyes, that changed to wanting someone to fix me. Now, knowing what I know, my intention is to be the observer of the journey as it is. The events that have so far made up the story that is my life. I only know what has crossed my path, yet I have learned so much from so many beautiful teachers different ways to approach it all!
What I do know is that even when I didn’t feel like it, I was held. I was never alone and always loved. Always. This has been an awakening to bliss. An awakening to magic. An awakening to life.
Four years ago, I was watching my mom’s physical life come to an end with absolutely no idea that was my wake up call for mine to begin again! After writing my insights daily to connect with my mom, the voice is no longer hers alone. I hear an awakened version of me come through. Still very imperfect, still looking for my way, yet now I see the warrior standing in front of me, looking back at me, smiling at me. Knowing the pride of having survived, having learned, and still fighting each day to act as a guide, a teacher, as a warrior of the light so others may awaken as well.
This is my blessing from the pain. And to all my fellow warriors, I bow to you knowing the journey has not been easy, yet acknowledging each of our worthy role. Looking forward to seeing the rest of the magical story of me unfold. Certainly now, experiencing more fun and balance along the way! I still miss my mom, but now her energy sits on my shoulder as the archetypal guardian angel every great warrior story speaks of! I can almost hear her saying to me, Onward Meg! So I say the same to all of you you, ONWARD as we all shine!